BREAKING DOWN – (sinful sunday)

By | 24th June 2017

Earlier this week, and at my specific request, Elita took me apart.

In 18 months of seeing her, in fact in 20 years of seeing Mistresses, this was the hardest session of them all.

Near the end, I was hit by a wave of pure emotion, as powerful and unstoppable as a tidal wave racing through a shanty town. It was so strong I broke down, crying great wracking sobs into the unhearing cold stone of the dungeon wall. When it was all over I cried still more tears onto Elita’s shoulder as she held me close.

And I haven’t cried, not really cried, for maybe 50 years.

flogging hand back

Afterwards I felt so beautifully calm and renewed; full of a contemplative wonder.

Days later I spoke to Elita about the experience, wanting to know how it felt to push me over the edge, how it felt to do so again and again. Talking to her, and reading other people’s experience in lovely comments on my blog post helped me understand what had happened; helped my get used to the idea that it was actually OK to cry

In fact it was awesome, a cathartic outpouring of emotion, a sobbing, shuddering release.

I think that when the inevitable happens, and my aging parents finally pass on, this experience might just help me deal with it. Perhaps it will save me from the damage that would be caused by bottling my emotions and letting them ferment, which is what I have done all my life.

Just hours afterwards I flew off on holiday, enjoying the way the friction between the airplane seat and my sensitive skin kept the experience alive.

The experience is still alive now.


flogging hand arse bw


More sin here:

Sinful Sunday

15 thoughts on “BREAKING DOWN – (sinful sunday)

  1. Mariasibylla

    Oh my, this was just beautifully heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. As I was reading I was thinking “Yes, this is one of the main reasons I like being hurt during sex, not for the pain, but for the tears. It’s like therapy, a place I can cry without judgement. But more than therapy, a place I can cry and be held and comforted and cared for afterward, in a real tangible way. And it broke my heart to read this because I think men are rarely, if ever, given leave to express themselves. Women have their own troubles with it in society, but we are not necessarily taught from birth that if we cry we are somehow “less”. And I think men often are and I think that’s such a shame. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m beaten to the point of tears, I am crying from much more than the pain. I’m crying about any number of things that I haven’t been able to express or release. And I can’t imagine for you, what that feeling must have been. 50 years of pent up everything. You are a beautiful, brave, wonderful soul and I’m so happy you share your journey with us. I think you are right in that this release will help you handle other emotional situations in the future.

  2. Bee

    Tears are good, tears are needed to release that pend up emotion that drags us down.

    Now I just need to listen to my own advice and learn to let go!

  3. Marie Rebelle

    Oh my, this image is stunning. I look at your back, your bottom and read the words about your tears and everything together just makes the perfect picture 🙂

    Rebel xox

  4. HappyComeLucky

    This is so beautiful and that touch is so full of care, and compassion. The release from being pushed that far is a very powerful thing. There is a vulnerability in risking it and also, in my opinion, deep trust in the other.

  5. Modesty Ablaze

    Lovely emotive words as always . . . simply wonderful.
    BUT . . . for me it is the picture this time that puts a lump in my throat each time I look at it.
    Your Mistresses beautiful, delicate . . . caring . . . hand, touched against your skin . . . speaks so much of the bond between you both.
    Simply stunning post in every way!!!
    Xxx – K

  6. eye

    We are taught (men in particular) that remaining in control of emotions, of yourself and of life is how we protect against loss and pain. Fact is we can’t and being taught how to process pain and express our feelings is a much better lesson whatever time in our lives it comes. So glad you have been brave enough to take that step x

  7. Molly

    Tears are good, releasing emotions, feelings, especially those that you have bottled up is healthy and positive in my opinion and I delighted to read that you are embracing it



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