By | 4th November 2017

I wrote a few days ago about the recognition that performance anxiety about sex had been with me most of my life. I tend to blame any current issues on blood pressure medication but, in reality it’s much older.  However, I’m starting to feel more confident about sex and even enjoying actual… you know…’intercourse,’ as well as hot BDSM scenes!

Here is the physical embodiment of those old insecurities in the form of a little bag that lives in a hidden compartment in my suitcase. I’m embarrassed to share it here and don’t think I’d do so, were I not gradually weaning myself off these ‘performance aids’.


Included currently are:

  • Little yellow pills. These are Cialis, known as weekend Viagra. Sometimes they work great, sometimes less so.
  • A spikey cock strap, a gift from an early Mistress. It creates an almost irresistible (to a pervert like me) combination of restriction and spiky pain.
  • Another constriction device I bought in Las Vegas, consisting of three silicone rings. The idea is to put it on once you’re erect and it keeps you that way. Once it’s on, it can work well but the fumbling involved is, in all honesty, not absolutely the hottest thing.
  • My leather jock strap. I like this for heavy BDSM. I almost never have an erection when I’m being caned and this makes me less conscious of that. Plus it feels good to wear; I mean, reeeeeally good.
  • A particular brand and type of condom I like. Well, OK, since you asked, they’re the correct size too.
  • A blindfold. I like them. On me. On her. It’s all good. Plus I get to show off that I once got upgraded to First on British Airways and I actually am THAT shallow.
  • A tube of arnica bruise relief cream because, well….y’know.

I feel ridiculous sharing all this, of being so “over-exposed,” to mangle the Sinful Sunday prompt. Part of me says, “if you’re too old to get it up, stop having sex!” But I don’t want that. Big stretches of my life have been sexless deserts and I’m not at all ready to step into the final one. Also, I’ve met people, sex workers, who are patient and caring and empathetic and make me feel good about myself whatever happens, or doesn’t, in a session.

And, largely thanks to those sex workers and to one in particular, I’m starting to enjoy actual… you know…’intercourse’ again.

In fact, sometimes, I even leave the little bag in my suitcase.

Who knows? Perhaps one day I’ll try dating again.

Perhaps one day I’ll even risk having sex with someone I’m not paying to enjoy it.

male sex aids


My earlier post, which included a picture of the ever-lovely Lilly is here

I had no image this week’s theme of “over-exposed” but Sunday’s best sinful images on the theme are are here:

Sinful Sunday

17 thoughts on “LITTLE BAG OF INSECURITIES – (sinful sunday)

  1. Marie Rebelle

    I think it’s great that you are sharing this. Why not talk about it? It’s part of you and I love honesty in everything, the good and the bad 🙂

    Rebel xox

  2. Aurora Glory

    I appreciate your honesty in this post so much and I know many others will too. Especially anyone having similar experiences. My medication is currently affecting me sexually and I wonder if what I need is a well put together bag like yours.
    Aurora x

  3. May More

    Great post – exposing some sensitive issue you are working through – and as usual, you have written it beautifully

  4. Modesty Ablaze

    Strength in submission is always admired . . . but strength in honesty, acceptance and conviction even more so.
    Life is always most enjoyable when consensually shared. May it long continue!!!
    Xxx – K

  5. Indigo Byrd

    Rage rage against the dying of the light! (or the cock)
    Courageous entry and made me think about “bloke stuff” I don’t really consider – thanks…
    Indie x

  6. Jo

    I love it when people interpret the prompts broadly! Just another example of how sex workers are therapists. To the idea that anyone is too old to be sexual, I say BAH! Sexuality is an important part of our lives as long as we want it to be.

  7. Molly

    “if you’re too old to get it up, stop having sex!” Absolutely not, I think we are always sexual creatures and I think denying that about ourselves only leads to unhappiness. I hope one day that you do feel confident enough to date as well


  8. littleswitchbitch

    What a really brave post to write – I love you are starting to enjoy sex again. And if you need that bag to do so, so what. And regards the age comment, pfffft! Sounds like Lilly has a wonderful effect on you – keep embracing that feeling <3 x

  9. Violet

    First off, brave post. Thank you for sharing and being so “over exposed” to us, your readers. Secondly, GOOD FOR YOU for rallying and not giving in to “the final desert”. Sex and bodies are crazy and complex and I’m happy to hear that you are finding some patience and peace with yours, but moreover, some fun!


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