HOW VERY VICTORIAN!

Last year a wrote a bit of nonsense purporting to be a letter from a very Victorian uncle to his niece, him having discovered her in some very unbecoming behaviour. Well, it appears that this very wayward young lady has been misbehaving again.

My Dearest Lilly

Oh dear. How abominable it is, once again to be writing to my favourite niece in such wearisome circumstances. You are such a sweet and dear girl, and I feel that, now you are past the age of maturity, you should no longer need the kind of discipline that, with the demise of your beloved father, only I, your kindly and devoted uncle, am equipped to dispense.  It had been my most fervent wish that, having administered what I imagined to be a most severe castigation on my previous visit to Birchley Hall, your behaviour might return to its sweet and decorous norm. Sadly, a recent letter from your dear Mama informs me otherwise.

How negligently lackadaisical it was for you to allow your pony into your Mother’s beautifully tended garden, veritably her pride and joy, and, I venture, second only in her esteem to your good self. There, as I understand it, the confounded animal was found feasting on her much prized begonias. The poor lady was most distraught.

This, we could perhaps consider an accident; a momentary lapse of attentiveness of the type to which flighty young ladies might be prone, were it not for your Mother’s descriptions of other grievous derelictions, unbecoming in one so young. She summarises these as a most vexatious lack of decorum in the presence of visitors, and a certain unbecoming coquettishness, most noticeable when in the presence of young Jeb, the new under-gardener. Your poor Mama, in great frustration, has requested that I take you in hand and encourage you to mend your ways, feeling, I suspect, that you might better accept such guidance from one more knowledgeable in the ways of the world than she.

I intend to respond in a suitably peremptory manner so, My Dear, I would like you to come to London and visit me at the Kensington hotel, where I keep rooms. We shall partake of a light supper together, during which we can review your recent behaviour, and I shall provide you with such guidance as I deem appropriate. After we have eaten we shall repair to my rooms. As to the nature of the punishments to be meted out, I have considered this most meticulously and decided thus: your general lack of decorum is a complaint more normally observed in a child and so shall be treated appropriately, in that you shall be taken over my knee and spanked most soundly; the incident with the horse should also be met with a chastisement fitting of the crime, so I would wish you to bring your leather crop that I might use it to communicate my displeasure at the way you have caused my dear sister such distress.

As to your flirtatious behaviour with young Jeb, a most inappropriate match for a young lady of such good breeding: I fear an altogether more serious punishment will be required. While I hesitate to resort to so barbarous an implement for one so delicate, I suspect only the birch will meet my needs on this occasion. I shall prepare the birch fronds myself, being particularly skilled in this art since my brief stint as bursar at St Mildred’s Academy for Wayward Young Ladies. However, I would ask that you bring with you several lengths of a jolly ribbon, that you might tie the birch yourself, all be it under my careful instruction, completing in this way, the preparation of the implement of your own demise. Furthermore, I wish you to procure the lengths of ribbon immediately on receipt of this letter and carry them always about your person as a constant reminder of what awaits.

Well, my dearest Lilly, that completes my instructions and I find I am anticipating our meeting with even more relish than would customarily attend such an assignation.

As ever,

your loving Uncle Wackford

This little bit of nonsense is all not ONLY a fantasy, as Lilly and I are planning to play out the meeting that arises from this letter exactly as it suggests. The idea came partly from her purchase of a fabulous Victorian dress, partly from an earlier visit to a wonderfully Victorian hotel and partly from my liking for period porn featuring the birch. I think it all has potential to be rather fun.

Much more role play themed filth here: