I’ve been “Cruisin for a Bruisin!” For the first time in what feels like an age, I’ve been, to use the dictionary definition of that phrase: “following a course of action likely to result in injury or other trouble for oneself.” I followed all the familiar, or at least remembered, routines: contacted a Mistress, set a time and a place, booked a rental dungeon facility and was starting to feel all the familiar feelings of trepidation, excitement and outright fear.
And then I had to cancel for reasons too dull to lay out in detail (A cold, gout. How dull could the reasons be?)
Boo say I.
On the one hand, I find myself disappointed, gutted actually, that I won’t get to see Miss Hunter again (I like Miss H, she’s lovely as well as being highly skilled at hurting people in ways that keep them coming back for more) and will miss out on the extremes of sensation and emotion to which she would have subjected me. I won’t, for now at least, be able to introduce her to The Bunker a fabulously sinister kinky play space that she has yet to visit. It’s all a crying shame.
But…
But I wanted to do it. Convinced last night that It would still be on, I was excited, alive, a bit turned on. The familiar feelings: adrenaline in my veins; my fight or flight responses waking up, were reminding me why I used to do this. I’ve held off for a long time after the relationship I was in ended. There’s been a variety of reasons: the long time it took for me to accept the relationship was over would be one; finding myself knocked off course by a series of bereavements would be another; following my house move, a general sense of being stuck in limbo between a life that was over and a new one that had yet to begin would be a third.
But I had somehow got past these feelings to the point where a session had been set up. And I had wanted it. I had bloody well wanted all of it!
This feels like something to be celebrated, even as I sit here with my cold and with my gouty foot propped on a cushion.
When that’s sorted, I’ll be cruisin for a bruisin once more.
The Bunker. A place where bad things happen.