I saw Miss Hunter last week. I wanted to dip a toe back into the murky waters of kink, and the swirls of sensations and emotions I used to seek out so often.
It was good. It was better than good. It was one of those sessions that seemed full of complexities way beyond the simple description of what we did.
What we did was “Impact Play.” One person hitting anther with hitty things. It sounds such a simple interaction.
But I’m thinking of this session not so much as impact play but as a drama, as AN impact play perhaps; a complex drama with multiple acts, each satisfying in itself, yet part of an overall narrative arc. There was plot development; there were moments of suspense, moments of violence and moments of peace. There was a tumultuous conclusion, and I was left impatient to discover what happens to the characters in the future.
It was a very good play
To make a very good play requires more than a good story. It requires the actors to bring all their creative energies to their roles, for them to fully immerse themselves, to lose themselves, in the parts they are playing. We achieved this rather well. Miss H’s energy in this session was wonderful, her strength and focus infusing the session. I found my own energy too, a masochistic energy that was also deeply sensual and sexual. I felt it coursing through me and was thoroughly exhilarated by it.
Exhilarated.
Now I’ve written it down, I realise that’s the word I had been looking for as Miss H and I ate delicious vegan food after the session. I had known I was feeling something special and good, but struggled to find a label for it.
I had felt exhilarated.
Dictionary definitions have exhilaration linking excitement with happiness, and I walked away from the rental dungeon full of excitement at what we had done and how it had felt to be part of the session, and with a deep sense of a mellow happiness.
Impact play. How wonderful that something so simple can be so deeply, deeply satisfying.
I feel I’ve actively resisted the lure of BDSM sessions with sex workers for a long time. I wasn’t sure it was healthy for me, perhaps getting in the way of building the real life relationships that I need just now. After a couple of sessions I’m OK with it. Like everything else, it’s about balance.
To overuse my earlier metaphor, perhaps this wasn’t a stand-alone play, more an episode in a long running drama. My personal drama. My drama has a back story, a young man growing up, locking kinky feelings and just about all emotions deep inside. In Season One these feelings were brought to the surface through time with professional Dominatrix’s and escorts. In Season Two I stepped away from that world into a wonderful relationship in which, unlike my marriages, I was fully present and immersed.
I don’t quite know where the story is going to take me in Season Three, but the first few episodes show excellent promise.