I know a bit about addiction, why is not relevant. As I get drawn deeper into BDSM I have started to recognise some of the acknowledged characteristics of addictive behaviour; the way it dominates my thoughts, the craving for a fix, the lengths I go to to achieve a high. So I looked up some “am I an addict?” questionnaires. There isn’t one for BDSM so I adapted questions about drugs, alcohol, gambling and, bizarrely, chocolate to make my own score sheet.
BIBULOUS ONE’S BDSM ADDICTION QUESTIONNAIRE
- Do you find that your addiction dominates your thoughts for large parts of the day?
- Do you have sudden cravings at inappropriate times?
- Do you find that, as time goes on, it takes a larger dose to satisfy you?
- Do you plan your next fix as soon as you have had the last one?
- Do you feel you spend more than you should on your addiction?
- Does your addiction interfere with your performance at work?
- Have you ever lied about your addiction to friends and/or family members?
- Do you worry you might be in a cycle of increasing use?
- Do you become bad tempered and irritable if you haven’t recently indulged your addiction?
- Do you worry that your addiction is causing you physical harm?
I answer ‘Yes’ to pretty much all these.
Should I worry? Is this a ‘problem’ that needs to be ‘fixed’? Well Yes and No.
I believe that, unlike a craving for drugs or alcohol, my kinks are an inherent part of my make up and to deny them would be to deny a fundamental part of myself. I know from past experience that such denial creates a whole new set of stresses and issues. However, what may also be a fundamental part of my makeup is a tendency towards addictive behaviour and that may be reflected in my current drives and urges towards more and harder BDSM sessions. This wouldn’t matter so much were I a single man with only himself to support. But I am not. BDSM and kink is only a part of my make up, only part of my life. Other parts of my life such as my family, my friends, my work, are also important to me. And in order to make sure they are not damaged by my need to indulge my kinks I have to try to maintain a balance so that both sides of me can flourish and be happy.
And that isn’t always easy.
It isn’t always easy because the sensations that flow from a challenging BDSM session: the visceral feelings of fear and pain and the ancient responses of the body to them; the all embracing intensity of sensation and emotion; the euphoric high that comes from having been tested and survived: these are not easy sensations to find in the everyday world of work, family and friends.
More questions at this weeks:
I’m so glad I found this blog it really is very interesting to read so many different takes on BDSM but with underlying common threads.
I’m not sure of the difference between compulsion and addiction but personally the thoughts about submission, pain and dominance are always floating about somewhere at the back of my mind and do occasionally become a preoccupation I’m lucky that if I’m alone in the house I can indulge in some self flaggelant behavior which will satisfy the cravings and I can go some time between punishment sessions.
I think if you go a while or deny yourself when you find you can enjoy some kink fun it makes the experience oh so sweeter and intense.
I try and not let it rule my life but its definitely a powerful draw and my goodness it can mess with my concentration! For instance…
A trip to the garden centre with the wife I can spend far too long looking at the canes wondering how they would feel and how supple or whippy they could be?…before being called away to look at pot plants!
A thoroughly interesting post…
Regards J.
I answered yes to most of the questions too, but I agree it’s a part of what makes me, me. I do find that I crave harder or longer sessions as we move through our journey together, but I think that also speaks to growth. Like we started out with a little ping pong paddle, but now we’ve moved up to the dreaded dragon tail. Although, there are days where it does consume my thoughts too much, but that’s usually when too much time has gone by between sessions. It’s a need, and if ignored it starts to scream. Great post!
I think it must be very hard when you have to keep such separate lives and probably makes the concept of addiction all the more like a reality as it contrasts with your personal relationships rather than being part of it. I hope you find the happy healthy balance that you need.
mollyxxx
I have never thought of BDSM as an addiction, but there was a time when I was really frantic to go from one scene to the next. I have settled down and am much calmer about it than I ever was. I want more more more, but I have also learned to be patient.
Interesting post!
Rebel xox