HISTORICAL VIBRATIONS – Dear Mortimer

It may surprise you to know that all the historical details contained in this letter from my imaginary, immoral Victorian alter ego, Wackford Squeers, to his good friend, Dr J Mortimer Granville are accurate. Granville was indeed the inventor of the electromechanical vibrator. My principal source is here.

And yes, I really did tie Lilly to the bed after her punishment and play with just such an electromechanical vibrator, all be it a device of more modern design than that described in the letter.

To: Dr J Mortimer Granville,

Clinic For The Treatment of Hysterical Ailments,

87 Harley Street, London 

My Dear Mortimer

What a thoroughly admirable and efficacious device your new invention is! I urge you to  apply to the patent office forthwith as this contrivance is in all certitude a wonderful saviour for young ladies of every station and, indeed, their guardians and husbands.

I doubted at first that we would succeed in transporting the electrical generator to my rooms but I enlisted the help of three stout porters and eventually it was successfully installed on the first floor of the hotel.

Once the delightful Miss Lilly had recovered somewhat from her sound birching, I explained to her your diagnosis of the strange hysteria afflicting her, as evidenced by her inopportune notions of attachment to Jeb, the young under-gardener employed by her dear mother.

Lilly, of course, wished to avoid further castigation and, without further ado, became a willing subject for my trial of your wondrous invention. I assured her that massage of the pelvic area was a well established medical practise, and that the hysterical paroxysm it would cause would leave her feeling more tranquil, rendering her less likely to flutter her pretty eyes (and, Mortimer, they really are most beauteous) in the direction of inappropriate young men.

Following your advice, I tied Lilly’s feet to the bed posts, spread her legs wide and elevated  her pretty dress and its petticoats. These actions exposed her pelvic area to my tender ministrations. Her drawers had, of course, already been removed that the birch might provide a proper chastisement of her bottom.

I took a few moments to master the controls of the device and then I applied it exactly as you had demonstrated on your assistant at the clinic. (I confess to having been not a little surprised at how willing, indeed positively keen, your assistant had been to participate in the demonstration of such an infernal looking device!)

Goodness me! Mortimer, I must declare myself shocked by Lilly’s reactions to the very first contact. Her back arched, lifting her pelvis clean off the bed and she let out a low moan, such that I enquired immediately as to her well-being! Receiving firm, indeed insistent, assurances that the treatment should continue, I reapplied the device and before long she achieved the state of hysterical paroxysm you described, closing her eyes and writhing noisily on the bed in a most alarming manner.

Once the paroxysm had passed she did indeed seem marvellously calm, a beautiful flush coming to her cheeks that I found quite endearing. I applied the vibrator, in exactly the proscribed manner, twice or perhaps thrice more, each time the paroxysms seemingly achieving greater heights. On the final occasion young Lilly seemed to reach a trance-like state, repetitively calling out the words “Oh, My God! Oh My God!” Is this normal? Can young ladies under treatment be expected to call out to their maker in this way? It is most unbecoming and would of course be totally unacceptable for a young lady to make such an obvious display of emotion in polite sciety. This is definitely a contraption for use in the privacy of a doctor’s surgery or, if I may be so bold, in the hands of the more discerning type of gentleman, among whom I deign to count myself.

Lilly was most grateful and assured me that the treatment had cured her of any affection for youg Jeb, whom she now admits to finding rather uncouth. However she is concerned that its effects may not be long-lasting so has proposed that she should return to London for further treatment from me two weeks hence.

Regrettably, it would be inefficient, indeed nonsensical, to return the device to you for so short a time, so I enclose the sum of thirty guineas in payment of it. I realise it is an important prototype, but can you not build a second for exposition at the patent office? Ah, how I would love to see the reaction of those pompous stuffed shirts to its demonstration!

Yours In Gratitude

Wackford.

p.s. I have a name for your new machine! As it causes ladies of good breeding to loose all decorum and cry and moan like common street girls, we shall name it after those very street girls. But Mortimer, we should consider if the world is yet ready for our new invention…..The Doxy!

(Fear not, my friend I shall charge only the most meagre royalty for use of the name)

early stem vibrator pre-dating Dr Granville’s invention