It’s expensive what I do. Very expensive. As it should be. The people I play with are educated, articulate, independant women who have made a choice to do what they do. Furthermore, they have made a choice to see me above others who have sought their time, so it’s a privilege to be allowed to play with them. They bring their emotional intelligence and their warm, open natures to our sessions and they have every right to demand their fees.
When I decided a couple of years ago to dive deeper into my kinks and experiment with different parts of the scene, I resolved to fund that exploration with money from playing poker. I’m a decent, even skilled, amateur player and, so long as I pick the right game and stay focussed, I’m going to do pretty well.
P0ker last night.
This guy, well known semi professional.
Good player; solid.
I owned him.
He raised with the nuts, I folded; he raised with nothing, I called.
When I raised, he did the opposite. Had no read on me at all.
Transferred his stack to mine in 5/6 hands.
Carnage.— Bibulous (@BibulousOne) July 20, 2018
It feels like free money and I happily splash it around like I’m some wealthy playboy. I’m capable of being a bit of an arse when I’m like this, though I’ll also splash money at friends, family, street beggars and buskers. It’s fun to have a pocket full of crisp “guilt free” fifties.
pocket full of cash after a poker game
So where do you stand on a man who has a bit of wealth, however it was acquired, using that wealth to buy sex? Are you in the @SarahChampionMP camp; pro the Nordic model: legitimatising sex work but criminalising paying for sex; or do you regard that as a nonsensical position? In what other sphere would anyone seriously contend that the way to help people selling a service was to prevent others from buying it?
Or do you believe that all sex work is necessarily synonymous with trafficking and abuse? Are you instead prepared to listen to what the sex workers themselves say on the subject? Consensual sex workers, the vast majority, could help stop trafficking where it does occur. If their own activity, and the websites they use to support it, were fully legitimised, they would be able to work with police to identify and stamp out trafficking, which they find as appalling as anyone else, while being able to protect themselves and each other from abuse. Is asking to be allowed to work safely so unreasonable? I don’t think so.
I’m wary of writing about this. The anti sex-work crowd would, I’m sure, find it easy to point at me and say “well, obviously he’s going to say that!” But the people I see are making a free, fully informed choice to offer me their time, their intimacy and their considerable expertise. If you support their right, as independent women, to make that offer, can you reasonably then say that I shouldn’t be allowed to accept it?
Ohhh, sweet! I’ve hit a set of Aces on the flop. I’ll play it slow, see if you hit your straight. Next card. Looks like you missed it. I’ll let you bet again, then, Boom! I’m all in. Now you’ve got a decision haven’t you? Am I bluffing? If I’m not, you have to hit your straight on the last card. I think you’re gong to call, and then, if one of the 8 out of 44 cards that saves you doesn’t come, I’ll have done you again. And then you’re going to hate me just a little but more, aren’t you?
I guess I’ll deal with it.
just some poker chips OR an overnight session with an escort
This matter makes me feel truly divided, and I can’t bring myself to solve the dilemma. I don’t have any personal experience in sex work (as client or worker) but it’s an ethic debate that comes to my head once and again and I try, fruitlessly, to make up my mind.
I understand an respect every sex worker, no matter what circumstances they are in. Of course I believe there are people that freely chose sex work and are able to enjoy what they do. But for what I know that happens in my country, Spain, (I’ve searched different sources of information) only 5% of the sex workers are the kind that can choose who they work for. 80% of sex workers in Spain are immigrants (even legal immigrants in my country tend to be in a poor economic condition), 35% (at least) are slave workers, and 60% accept sex work as a means of earning money because they don’t find any other work or the ones they could do are exhausting and provide a lower income. I don’t think this last group is freely choosing sex work, although there’s no one pointing a gun at them.
Also I don’t hear about many men (I’ve read that woman who seek the services of male sex workers act differently) that enjoy cooking and caring for sex workers. What I hear and read that happens in my country is that the vast majority expect a few holes to stick their dick in, and someone that will not complain: almost half of the men that pay for sex in Spain, reject using condoms.
I’m not “anti Sex-work”. I’m anti slavery, and I’m also against women having to settle for being used (or abused) because they don’t have a better means of earning money. But I love the idea of people enjoying sex and sensuality with other people freely in consensual and respectful encounters, with or without money being exchanged.
Maybe we shouldn’t put this activities in the same bag (“sex work”) and I’m not sure how accepting one affects the existence of the others). I don’t know if it’s possible to make our society understand the difference. I don’t know if our society can (is willing to) provide respect for women’s sexuality and bodies, whatever their social status, education and work options. I don’t know whether the majority of men that seek for sex workers is willing to accept they are hiring a professional and not paying for an object to be used.
So “I don’t know” how to deal with too many things.