REPAIR WORK (sinful sunday)

I had to say goodbye to my little brother this week, his funeral delayed by administrative snarl-ups that I won’t go into here. It wasn’t an easy thing to do as I had a very special relationship with him, strengthened when he became the only family member with whom I have shared Bibulous, this blog and a whole bunch of related secrets. He’s shared similar things with me too.

Despite the strength of that relationship, I discovered a lot about him in the last few weeks, not least the fact that seemingly every single person he had ever met over his 50 something years, no matter for how long, also had a special relationship with him.

It troubled me at first; I could feel my inner child stamping his feet:

“But he’s MY brother. I had the mostest specialist relationship with him ever!”

That response was quickly replaced by wonder and admiration for this amazing man who brought so much to his nieces and nephews, his friends, the people he worked with and, through his charity work, many, many others. People he had worked with 10 years ago, contacted us, distraught at his passing. Somehow, he was special to just about everyone who had ever known him.

Covid and his crazy work patterns had kept him away from me for much of the last year or two, but I miss him like a piece of me has been cut off.

If you’re the organiser of a funeral, the one who manages all the details, books the funeral directors and the venue, sends out the invitations and buys the flowers, it can be hard to take from it what you need for yourself.

And so it was this time, just as it had been with my father in November.

So I’ve come to a little Airbnb cottage in the New Forest. I’m planning to walk a lot, read a lot, write a bit and drink some wine. Just take a few days for me, in the hope of being able to carry out some emotional repair work.

I arrived at 4pm and had the cork out of a bottle before I’d unpacked my bag. But I changed my mind, put the wine back in the fridge, and headed out into the forest, walking into the wind until it felt time to turn and head for home. It’s so beautiful here, I saw about 20 wild ponies and just the one walker.

It was perfect.

Here’s a Sinful Sunday image from my shower.

Have some pictures of horses too, cos why not?

More Sunday sin here: