DATING APPS AND DOMINATRIXES (sinful sunday)

Early last year I logged onto a couple of dating apps and created a profile on Fetlife. I wanted to meet someone. I wanted to have someone in my life who I could share things with, travel with, cook for.

I went to a local kinky meet up above a pub, a “munch” to use its proper name. Nice people but no-one with one-to-one relationship potential. I signed up for a dating app focussed on sexually adventurous people but it was quickly clear I wasn’t going to meet someone my age there

My kinks are important to me and I still need them, but I need company too so I signed up for a “normal” dating app for over 50’s

Then I became ill and my focussed shifted.

I’m back there now and had a lunch date last Sunday with a very lovely lady. She’s a year or so older than me, full of life and has lots of interests. We talked non stop over lunch and carried on afterwards until our pre-paid parking ran out.

I didn’t tell her that the following week I was going to have a sensual but supremely painful afternoon with a Dominatrix.

As I look forward to seeing her again next week I can feel the two parts of me start to separate once again.

It makes me uncomfortable.

For her I’m a retired businessman with two adult kids, who used to sail small boats (as she did) and likes food, theatre and travel.

For Miss Hunter, who I saw yesterday, and the friends I meet for kinky play sessions, I’m a sensual masochist, an equally sensual sadist, a creator of and participant in intimate, erotic, challenging games in London rental dungeons.

I don’t want to be separated again  I don’t want to hide one part of me from the other, or to feel that I’m skulking around hoping not to be caught out. I want to be one, integrated entity as I have been since Miatress Elita and I carried out a full blooded BDSM session in front of a room full of my friends.

I went through this concern with my therapist this week (I’m been back with her through my illness and treatment). Where we got to was that I should trust myself to bring this up with my new friend at the right time in the right way. The right time is before either of us can get hurt.  The right way is with sensitivity and respect.

Let’s see how things develop. She’s lovely and I look forward to seeing her again. But the cane marks from my intense session wirh Miss H will still be there, a gentle reminder that I’ve only let her meet part of me so far.

More Sunday Sin here: