Warning: This post discusses simulated and non-consensual violence and simulated non-consensual sexual intercourse. If you think this might be difficult for you for any reason, then I respectfully suggest you turn away. All my play is 100% consensual and carefully discussed with my play partner before the scene and consent is reaffirmed often during it.
But I am exploring taboos here.
I’m going to hurt someone today; someone I like very much. I may hurt that person quite a bit and in quite a few ways, exploring their reactions to different types of pain over a couple of hours. More than that, I am, in all likelihood, going to have sex with her in a scene that will be firmly in territory known in BDSM as Consensual Non-Consent play. Consensual Non-consent is a very anodyne term. We have another, less anodyne word for non-consensual sex and that word is rape. So our scene will have a simulated rape. And, now I’ve written that down I’m asking myself all the obvious questions about whether what I’m about to do is OK.
I’ve played role play scenes before that have involved sex, most recently in a Victorian scene with Lilly, but in truth by the time we got to the sex, the role-play had drained out of the room and it was Lilly and I giving each other pleasure. It might at times have been vigorous, even violent but by that stage we were no longer pretending that I was her uncle taking advantage of her.
I think this might be different. An interrogation roll play set in cold-war Berlin with the lovely and very bold submissive SubbyKatie. After our last meeting Katie made it clear she was keen I should push her further in future meetingss; in fact she wrote exactly that in her addition to a post about the session, so that’s what I’m going to do.
I am way more nervous before this session than I was before my last meeting with Elita. At this stage of my growth as a BDSM switch, giving a beating is much more frightening than taking one.
So why do it?
I admit to having a sadist in me, not as strong as the masochist but definitely there. I am looking forward to seeing the contact of the flogger on Katie’s bottom, hearing her yell and watching her sudden movement. And then smacking her with it again and again.
I’m also looking forward to seeing Katies emotional reactions, the way she embraces the pain, turns it into pleasure. She’s great to play with; once the session is underway there’s a wildness about her; she’s unrestrained, happy to fill the space with cries of pain or pleasure.
I love how she challenges my willingness to hurt her as much as I challenge her willingness to be hurt.
But most of all it’s the intensity of the connection, the sheer intimacy of being locked in our violent dance of pain and pleasure, the electricity that crackles between us as she looks straight into my eyes just before I land the cane. It’s like sex; no, it is sex, to be this connected to someone so closely and in such a physical way.
But what of the actual sex? I think I’ve just written 3 or 4 paragraphs on Consensual Non-consent violence to avoid answering the rape question. At the end of our last session, which had no role play element, I grabbed Katie, pushed her hard down onto a steel table and fucked her from behind, all the time holding her down. Is it different if I do that this time, as part of a role play? In reality the role play will be a gossamer thin veil over the scene, under which, and quite visible, will be Katie, the professional submissive escort, and me, her client having the same sort of fully committed, hard driving sex that we’ve enjoyed with each other before. In both scenes I’m having sex with someone who I’ve restrained but, in both cases Katie is fully consenting. More than that, she specifically stated, in the build up to this, that CNC is “one of my favourite things.” So my unease is absolutely not about consent.
It’s because even thinking about this, proposing it to Katie, being excited by her enthusiastic embracing of the idea, is taboo, dark, wrong. It’s not really who I am. Or is it?
So excited for tomorrow's interrogation role-play that tonight is going to be like x-max eve!!
— Katie D. (@subbykatie) June 30, 2018
Dark! But as you say – both consenting adults. It’s obvious you’re both excited ahead of it, I guess the tricky bit is ensuring that Katie is still as keen & willing as it actually plays out. Enjoy your kinky fun! x