JAMES’S STORY – HARD CANING (guest post)

My recent post  questioned some things I had read in an extended comment from PainAsPleasure reader James. I asked whether his description of “the utter shame and humiliation from crying in front of a woman” indicated something other than healthy submission as a BDSM kink. I invited a reply from James and he sent me this excellent, articulate and well argued post that explains his kinks and gives us hints as to their background in his school days. It made me realise that I probably took his previous comments out of context and spun them in a way that was not justified. I’m delighted he took the time to write such a thoughtful reply.

One of the things I most enjoy about my blog is the way it has brought me into contact with others like me; men of a certain age who have known they were kinky for all their life but have expressed that vital, important part of their nature in private.  This is a fascinating glimpse at just such a life.

Read James’s story and show him some comment love.

As the author of the original comment I am more than happy to elaborate on what I have said. This is certainly not the first time my opinions have been misunderstood and I have made similar comments in other forums which were also misconstrued.
First and foremost it was never my intention to imply that there is a right or wrong way to administer discipline regardless of sex. If my comments have implied that there is I can only apologise for my bad choice of words. We all have our own tastes and preferences for what we like to see in a video clip and I was merely voicing mine. Secondly I would also like to stress that I consider myself to be a modern man and in no way do I consider myself to be superior to any women. That said, I certainly do come from a generation where young boys were raised to believe that as men it would be there responsibility to earn the money and pay the bills. As a child I had two older sisters and both of them received the exact same opportunities in life that I did. We were all treated equally but both of our parents had completely different expectations of how my sister’s lives would play out in contrast to mine. It was always assumed that just like me they would eventually leave school and get jobs but it was also assumed that this would only be a temporary thing. Both of my parents believed that at some point each of my sisters would eventually meet a man, get married and then have children. At this point they would stop working, have children and become mothers. These were not sexist opinions but they were prevalent thoughts and feelings of my parent’s generation at that moment in time. As a consequence of this my father was particularly strict with me and I was always expected to work harder and achieve better results at school than my sisters.
For reasons that I can only theorise the experiences I had in childhood somehow caused me to develop sexual desires and fetishes which are highly masochistic. I cannot change these desires and even if I could I have absolutely no desire to do so. Some sexual therapist might suggest that they developed as a result of my inability to cope with the pressure and responsibilities of living up to my father’s expectations. Others might say that they stemmed from the fact that I was occasionally disciplined by my mother in front of my sisters. This was extremely humiliating for me and also very unfair because neither of my sisters were ever punished for anything.
Whatever the reason may be I have always respected and admired dominant women who take great pleasure in thrashing the bare bottoms of submissive men like me. It is a very strong desire and an itch which must be scratched at least two or three times a year. I actually live on a small Island where there are absolutely no Mistresses or fetish venues. If it were made known that I am into BDSM my reputation would be quickly destroyed. For this reason I can only indulge my fantasies by watching video clips, reading stories and posting messages in forums such as yours. When I do visit Mistresses I only do so during trips to London and this only happens on a few occasions every year. As these visits are a genuine treat I do like to make them as memorable and satisfying as possible. I only like to see those rare and special ladies who are known for their severity and who enjoy punishing men to their limits. Complex roleplay is always an integral part of every scenario and there are often other females present to witness my beatings. Whenever I play I am indeed living out a fantasy and in most cases I like to be portrayed as an arrogant chauvinist who in being punished for some kind of offensive behaviour towards women. I like these scenarios because I firmly believe that most modern women still bear a healthy grudge against men who were raised in my generation. They see us as dinosaurs from a bygone age and most of them love the idea of seeing arrogant chauvinistic men being put firmly in their place by a member of their own sex. Once again this is purely a fantasy role-play which I like to live out but I do feel that the Mistress and the witnesses each derive considerable satisfaction from watching me suffer.
With regard to my initial comment I was mainly referring to the numerous video clips which are available on the internet. More specifically I am referring to web sites such as Strict Ladies, Montrose Academy and other pay sites. I am also referring to the free clips which can be found on sites such as Fetlife and Spankingtube. While I visit all of these sites on a regular basis I do feel that in most cases the clips contained within them are basically all the same. This is purely my own personal opinion and I am not complaining in any way. There are many female disciplinarians who appear regularly on these sites and many of them have fearsome reputations for the severity of their beatings. Ladies such as Cassie Hunter, Miss Brown, Mistress Baton and Princess Ammy have all featured in excellent clips but for me it is always the reaction on behalf of the culprit which I find disappointing. All of the above listed ladies (and many more I could mention) put real effort and force into every stroke they administer. Their athleticism and beauty is an awesome thing to behold and the viewer can be left in no doubt that the strokes they administer hurt like hell. Unfortunately this is not reflected in the reactions of the men who present their bare bottoms for punishment. I am well aware that there may be numerous valid reasons for this and that there may also be legal issues to consider.
Just like the Mistresses who punish them these men are also a rare breed and I consider them to be very courageous in allowing themselves to be filmed being punished. After careful consideration however, I have come to the conclusion that it is the depth of experience these men have which is the main causes the problem. It would seem that most (if not all) of these men are highly masochistic and get their bottoms caned on a regular basis. Many of the men who have commented on this forum are rightfully proud of the fact that they have received harsh thrashings from numerous Mistresses over countless years. Any submissive male who is punished that regularly inevitably develops an ability to cope with the intensity of the pain. A bottom which is thrashed regularly will soon develop a thicker skin a greater resistance to the impact of the cane. In many of the clips I have seen the culprit’s bottom will often bear the marks of earlier beatings which clearly shows that he is a regular recipient. They clearly enjoy the challenge of taking a hard beating but for me (and this is only my personal taste) I prefer to see men who are struggling to cope and who take their beatings badly. If I see a woman administering a genuine judicial style thrashing and the victim remains still and silent throughout I always feel that he is the one who has emerged victorious. He has taken her worst strokes yet she was still unable to break his spirit.
For me, in every good punishment scenario I have ever watched there has always been a victor and a vanquished. If this is not the case then the punishment has no meaning or purpose. Surely the aim of punishment is to address and correct undesirable behaviour. In order for this to happen it is essential that the Mistress and not the culprit emerges victorious at the end of the process. This is just as true in the fantasy world as it is in real life. As a child at school there were several teachers who had the responsibility for administering the cane. Some of them were feared and some were not but any boy ordered to report to Mr Wilson for the cane immediately knew he was in serious trouble. There were very few boys who left his office without tears rolling down their cheeks and the marks from his thrashings lasted for many days. As a result of this we all respected Mr Wilson and feared the consequences of being sent to his office. His disciplinary lessons lasted longer and hurt far worse than anyone else but they certainly had the desired effect. At the other end of the spectrum there were other teachers who we did not fear at all. Their canings were easy to take and because we did not fear the consequences we were happy to take advantage.
To my mind a punishment scenario is a representation of a battle of wits and determination between two contrasting characters. As with any battle however, there can only ever be one winner and one loser. My personal preference when watching clips is to see the female character winning that battle and male character losing it. To put it another way l want to see male culprits being punished in the same way that I like to be punished whenever I am on the receiving end. This may be a selfish view but it comes from the belief that there are very few clips I have ever seen which fit the criteria. My bottom does not get caned on a regular basis and may go unpunished for many months between sessions. It is never marked prior to a beating and I never request or expect a warm up. In the moments leading up to the first stroke I am genuinely terrified because I well aware that what I am about to get will hurt like hell. I know that there will be no mercy on offer and that my mistress will have little or no sympathy for my plight. There is always an understanding between me and the mistress that it is my own bad behaviour and misdeeds which have led me to be in this position. Justice must be served and the mistress understands that it is her duty and responsibility to make me regret my actions. I have never enjoyed a severe beating and I am often howling and sobbing well before the final stroke lands. There is never any doubt about who is has won and who has lost the battle of wits and at the end I am always truly sorry for what I have done. Any pleasure I do receive comes many hours later when I look at my bottom in the mirror and relive the experience in my mind. These are the kind of punishment clips that I prefer to see but sadly there are very few of them out there.
To conclude this rather long and rambling comment I would just like to say that all of us have our own tastes and preferences within the BDSM spectrum. Some of us are at the mild sensual end and others (like me) are at the strict serious end. I doubt that any of us truly understand why we love punishing people or being punished but that doesn’t really matter anyway. My views are only valid to the extent that they may generate further discussion. If this happens to be the case then I have at least succeeded to some small degree.
James.