There’s a streak of exhibitionism running through me; it’s not that wide compared to more flashy folk, but if you watched me cook or came skiing with me, you would find me enjoying my own competence. You might notice an exaggerated flick of the salt over a steak or the way the line my skis take changes when people are watching. You might think: “Flash git! or you might allow me my small self-indulgence.
Exhibitionism is not enough to explain why I invited a dozen people to a hotel room to watch Mistress Elita take me apart.
They stood close sipping champagne and eating snacks as she hurt me. They watched her push me up against a wall in front of them and torture my nipples, then whip me until I was calling out my pain. They clustered round as she alternately stopped my breathing and slapped my face, and they handed her implements, a paddle, a cane, as she beat me over pillows piled on the bed, beat me until I called out the safe word in my anguish.
So, aside from exhibitionism, what was behind this?
I’ve pushed that question backwards and forwards ever since sending out my strange invitation.
Even after 300 blog posts, and thousands of comments from interested and accepting people, there is part of me that still stands back, looking at what I do, and finds it weird.
“So!” this part of me says, “Let me get this straight. You pay someone to tie you up and hurt you. You let her send electric shocks through your balls, bite your nipples and beat you with a cane? And you do this for fun? Jeez, that is some weird shit!”
I still worry that others will find it weird too.
I think I wanted to share my experience of this, to demonstrate in unavoidable close-up how it transcends the physical act of one person hurting another. I thought my friends might find it less weird if they were to witness the intimacy and connection between the Dominatrix and the submissive, if they were to witness the skill and the expertise in what Elita was doing, to feel the ebb and flow she created in the session, to sense the compassion in her actions and the way it so perfectly balanced the cruelty.
I wanted them, perhaps, to find art in it.
I wanted them to be turned on by it and to understand why I was turned on by it.
I wanted them to understand that, to me at least, this isn’t weird; this isn’t weird at all.
I wanted them to understand that this is sex, and it’s hot as fuck.
This wonderful picture is from Focussed and Filthy whose marvellous site is here.
More wickedness here:
This is beautiful, and reading Livvy’s account as well, I was struck with how this moment was another example of your
beautiful open heartedness. I wish I could have been there. xxxx
I def don’t think what you do is weird – as a person who enjoys pain, I get exactly where you are coming from! I will admit to wondering exactly why you did what you did with regards having an audience but after reading your words here – I no longer do!
There is only so much one can understand from words and from speaking to you and others that attended, I can now understand that even though words tell us so much – tones and expressions from others that witnessed this tell so much more!
As someone who witnessed your reading and the passion in your voice, I strongly suggest recording more because I truly believe your readers will gain a further understanding of you and I think it will help close the gap and have you no longer thinking what you do weird!
x
That image and your words certainly capture the essence of what I witnessed when I joined the party of friendly voyeurs in your hotel room last week. It was a stark contrast from ‘sociable Bib offering drinks and snacks’ to Bib enjoying the domination, pain and being in the intense sensory moment that your Mistress created.
She was indeed gorgeous and elegant, an artist with the whip and truly the symbiotic balance between delivering the pain sensations that she knows you enjoy and pushing you to your limits, but pulling it back too, the tenderness displayed during the edging was what was sparking the ‘feels’ for me.
I am honoured you invited me to share such a personal scene – I don’t think any of us there were judging you, but we might have been judging how WE would have coped with what you were enduring, wondering how far we could be pushed. I fully expect that watching your ‘scene’ will make me a better writer of BDSM, kicking those tropes which fuel a mythical version of a complex kink, to the kerb.
That image is absolutely gorgeous, and maybe even more so because I was there to witness this in person. Thank you so much for inviting us and have us be part of this very special session!
Rebel xox
While I have tendencies to fantasize about being caught, or acting in public you are much braver than I. I love your honesty about who you are and understand the frustration of feeling weird because your needs have different angles than what society deems as normal. Who the fuck said they get to choose normal anyway. Do you hun and screw the rest of them.
I adore your posts, mainly for the honesty contained within.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
Cuntella