For reasons that I don’t feel I have yet got to the bottom of, Lyra’s submissive, masochistic side is less in evidence just now. It’s our 5th block of time together, and on the others my dominant playing with her submissive has been about two thirds of our kinky activity together. This time it’s at least the other way round.
I’m cool with this, but have found myself digging deep into my own submissive, masochistic side to be able to handle, and derive pleasure from, the sessions we’ve been having. Take yesterday morning for example. Before she went to work. She used this nasty little vintage riding crop, a recent purchase of mine, to work me over.
She started slow and soft, little taps really, and gradually let the strokes become faster and heavier, moving the crop expertly over my arse. The blows were never really hard (I’m sure this crop could leave deep welts if used that way) but they came so fast that, if I can be excused a cliché, my arse was on fire.
But there was something about the intensity of the sensations, who was creating them, and the details of the situation, that allowed her to take me to a place I have rarely, if ever, been before; a place where the boundary between pain and sex (always a hazy one with me) completely melted away. I was moving around, writhing would be a good word, not in pain but in what I can only describe as a kind of sexual ecstasy. I felt as if I was about to come and, when she finally stopped, I felt as if I had come, drained and shaky.
She said my responses to what she was doing had been “beautiful” and the whole experience had clearly been super-intense for her also.
I love that kink still throws me new things to process, though here I guess it’s just showing me that, despite the time I’ve spent spanking other people in the last few years, at heart I’m still a masochist and in the dictionary definition of that term:
a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain
That is exactly what was happening to me.
I’ve told her that when she comes home tonight she can do whatever she wants with me, with the safeword my only recourse if it gets beyond what I can handle.
I’m wondering if this was wise.
This is so lovely.
I remember having a conversation with you a long time ago about the difference between playing with a pro-domme, and playing with someone you love (and who loves you). If I recall you were somewhat unconvinced.
I see that you get it now :).
I’m so happy for the both of you.
Ferns
This is wonderful. Its such a special thing to get to that place. You are well aware of my relationship with pain. I’ve loved reading this and feeling that, once again, I’m not the only one who goes there.