GFE – a kink for authenticity

By | 1st August 2017

Not many who read my blog are either sex workers or their clients so let me explain: GFE stands for Girlfriend Experience, which is not to be confused with PSE (Porn Star Experience) or indeed the myriad of other experiences offered by the creative, intelligent, wonderfully empathetic people who call themselves sex workers.

A man hiring a sex worker for GFE is looking for the antithesis of the filmic cliché of the brassy “prostitute.”  Once the envelope has changed hands, he wants to spend time with an unintimidating, friendly woman who behaves as if their relationship is romantic rather than transactional and the more these lines are blurred, the happier he will be. Above all, he is looking for intimacy and emotional engagement to add spice to their physical interaction.

I’ve never signed up a sex worker for a GFE, looking instead for kink focussed sessions in many and varied forms. Indeed only recently has sex (in the conventional, penetrative meaning of that word) formed any part of my encounters. However, a recent comment from a sex worker, retweeted into my Twitter timeline, caught my attention and got me thinking.

She postulated that a liking for GFE could be thought of as a kink for authenticity.

It made me think about little things that have happened in my sessions with Miss S, seemingly nonchalant actions  that touched me at the time, and created the sort of memories that trigger a soft smile alongside a raised heart rate.

I let her into the rental dungeon with her suitcase. As soon as the door is shut she puts her arms round my neck and kisses me slowly on the mouth as if she’s missed me.

We’ve had sex and I’m lying back on the pillows enjoying the shuddery aftershocks. I become aware that, rather than rushing around looking for wet-wipes, all end-of-session brusque efficiency, she’s lying still beside me, her head on my shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I stroke her hair and she moves closer, letting her arm fall across my chest.

We’re having dinner after a session. As we share a memory of some particularly erotic act, she reaches across the table and takes my hand, smiling into my eyes and making me melt a little.

Our sessions have centred around kinky games where I’ve introduced her to bondage and spanking, where she has willingly submitted to my will as a dominant, exploring the varied emotions and sensations that BDSM has to offer. I’ve felt a sense of wonder that she should choose me as her guide through these new experiences.

When I look back on our several meetings I remember the glorious sight of her over my knee, nervously waiting for her spanking; I remember her yell as the flogger bites into her bottom; her low moan as she feels the sharp, focussed pain of nipple clips for the first time. But, to my surprise, the stronger, deeper, longer lasting memories are born from the total lack of artifice in her gaze across the dinner table, the naturalness in the drape of her arm over my chest and from the freedom with which she lets her lips brush over mine.

I realise now that the artless authenticity of these actions, coming as they do in between all the spanking and the flogging, have created for me a wonderful girlfriend experience. I think I might be ready to add that authenticity to my list of kinks so for our next session, rather then show her some yet to be explored corner of BDSM, I’ve asked HER to show ME a full-on, no safeword, girlfriend experience. I want to walk into her apartment and have her greet me like an old friend then dance around in her bare feet to her favourite playlist while I take the cork out of a bottle of Champagne.

And as we eat Sushi with our fingers, I want her to lean across the table and kiss me softly, all unspoken invitation and twinkly eyed promise.


pretty woman combo


4 thoughts on “GFE – a kink for authenticity

  1. SkinShallow

    I’m not even sure what “real” or “authentic” means. Actual instances of intimacy are possible in all kinds of scenarios, though I’d think transactional exchanges or, for that matter, one-off sex/play where no money changes hands, are less likely to have that element as a main focus.

    For me, intimacy is first and foremost a mutual thing, involving a level of vulnerability from both parties. And bdsm is one of the ways in which this can be achieved.

    So the most interesting part of your post for me was the distinction you seem to have made between GFE and intense kink, because from all your previous posts it appeared to me that the dynamic between you and Mistress Elita certainly had a strong element of intimacy to it.

  2. Lilly Watson

    Speaking as Miss S…

    Sometimes there will be a connection between two people in bed, sometimes there won’t. Sometimes the girl will be faking it during sex because she’s self-conscious about her body, or worried about what the guy is thinking, or feels like she has to do what she’s seen in porn for it to be “good sex”… reasons that are nothing to do with money.

    Do you always know the connection IS “real” with a non-sex-worker? I would say that the answer to that is also no. This suggests that having sex with sex workers and non-sw-ers aren’t two discreet activities – it’s all sex- just sex with different people, all of whom are unique in some way.

    It would be easier if there was a cut and dried answer to this question- “this kind of sex is real, but that sex over there is fake”- but the psychological truth is more complex and nuanced than that. Human intimacy isn’t black and white.

    I am purely speaking for myself here, as I’m sure there are as many experienced opinions on this as there are individual sex workers, all of which are perfectly valid. But this is my perspective, which I thought I would share as I am the person mentioned in this particular post 🙂

  3. Marie Rebelle

    I have never thought that is anything more than natural that you and Miss S (and you and Elita) share moments of connection, and (stupid me) only now realize that of course, it’s all a transaction and not every sex worker will want to have that connection. Some will only want to do the job and move on to the next.

    I am curious to read more about GFE (never knew about this term before).

    Rebel xox

  4. Mrs Fever

    Just thinking (writing) out loud…

    I’ve always had a hard time comprehending why a client would desire a GFE as part of transactional sex. I think my brain gets stuck in a loop of “If he wants a girlfriend experience, why doesn’t he just get a girlfriend?”

    I get it, intellectually, that having someone *act* like a girlfriend could, in some ways, be “easier” (no strings, however one chooses to interpret the concept).

    But I also don’t get it. Emotionally and socially (you can’t take her home to mom or introduce her to your friends, can you?) especially. Not that feelings can’t or won’t develop, but how can any emotion be based in reality when it’s built on a foundation of pretending? Having someone *act* like a girlfriend… Well, they’re acting. So as for authenticity…

    The theatre of life?

    It makes me curious.

    Maybe you will expound further in the future. 🙂


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *