By | 27th March 2018

A comment recently popped into a blog post from last year where I had written about “Intimacy and the Girlfriend Experience.” In contrast to the wonderfully affectionate connection that I had described, the person writing the comment had found his  experience cold, perfunctory and altogether less joyful.

In responding to his comment I’m going to stray into areas that Muggles (non sex-workers) like me should probably avoid, so you can be sure that, if this post is ever published, I will have discussed what I say with an experienced sex worker first.

Here is what he wrote:

Nothing wrong with utilizing sex workers in my opinion. My only barrier is that on the rare occasions I have paid I have always found them to be… quick. They try to get me off as soon as possible so they can (presumably) get to another paying client. Maybe that’s because I was only paying for an hour? (Which they don’t intend to give you, 30 minutes if you’re lucky) If you’ve written about the money aspect of paying for your pleasures I’d love to see a link (ie how much, if I can be so crass)

sex worker bed

Here is my reply:

Friend, I think the reason you are disappointed by your experiences with sex workers is found four words into your comment. The word ‘utilizing’ is the word ‘using’ that you’ve slapped a lick of paint on to hide its ugliness. Do you, I wonder, ‘use’ your dentist, your solicitor, or your personal trainer. I don’t. I don’t even ‘use’ the Romanian guy in town who occasionally cleans my car for me; I might ’employ’ him, ‘visit’ him or ‘see’ him. But ‘use’ him? No. And I’ll take the time to exchange a few words with him, complement him on the excellent job he’s done and, if I am happy with his work, I’ll leave him a tip. He is a service provider and I am his client and that relationship is important to me, just as it is to him.

I realise that I am exceptionally fortunate that a combination of a moderately successful career and a good poker game gives me the resources to be able to hire well educated, independent sex workers, who might see only a few clients each day. These ladies are making a life choice, rather than having one thrust upon them by circumstances, and I know full well that, if I don’t treat them properly, they have the means to find another client who will. I am aware that many in sex work are less fortunate than the people I see and have to book clients back-to-back through the day just to make a living and that must be tiring, deadening work.

If I see a sex worker for an hour, and I often do, I don’t expect to be playing with her for all that time. I expect the 60 minutes to include introducing myself, exchanging pleasantries, paying, undressing, showering if I need to, the act itself (whatever that might be), showering again perhaps, dressing, more pleasantries and getting out of the door. This recent multifaceted and challenging session with Mistress Elita took exactly an hour, measured from when I walked through the door till when I departed, yet I left feeling unhurried and completely satisfied. My advice, if you want to spend more time playing, would be to save up your money and book a meeting of 90 minutes or longer.

I would also say the same to you as I would to anyone seeing a sex worker for the first time: turn up punctually; turn up scrupulously clean or ask to shower first; be clear what you want; complement her before, during and after your time together and thank her for spending that time with you. If you had fun, leave her a tip. This way, if she is seeing multiple clients in a day, you might just be the one that makes that day OK for her and, when you next see her, you’ll be greeted with the welcoming smile that’s been lacking from you recent experiences.

So, whether you are meeting your chosen sex worker in a five star hotel in Mayfair, or in a shabby basement off the Edgeware Road, treat her with the same respect you would afford any other professional who has skills and experiences that you seek to benefit from.

That way I suspect you will have much more fun than if you seek only to ‘utilise’ a sex worker.

I’ve chosen not to respond directly to your question about prices. Most sex workers have a guide to the fees they seek for their time on their web sites, so it is not hard to establish what different services might cost from different sex workers.


A sex worker’s response.

Here are some thoughts from a sex worker, very kindly offered as a response to this post:

I think, like you said, the way a sex worker treats you will depend on how you treat the sex worker. I try to make my sessions feel unhurried; not just for the sake of the person I’m playing with, but also for my own satisfaction. It’s an interesting one because I really genuinely believe that most sex workers take pride in their work and will do everything in their power to make a session a good experience for all involved. But if the client comes with a particular attitude or behaviour, that endeavour is made incredibly difficult. I love the part about not expecting to play for 60 solid minutes and also allowing time for showers etc. This attitude allows me to relax so much more with regard to time. Interesting post.


  1. Marie Rebelle

    “He is a service provider and I am his client and that relationship is important to me, just as it is to him.”

    Respect is SO important. Why should we look down on anyone doing a job that is ‘lesser’ than ours (a street cleaner opposed to an administrative worker; a shop assistant opposed to a managing director)? It costs nothing to say a friendly word, to say good morning or to even only smile to someone. It can change another person’s day for the better. I know that some people look down on sex workers. Yes, even some people who visit sex workers, look down on them. Why? If you visit them, doesn’t it mean you approve of the work that they do? You put your garbage out on the street to be collected by the garbage people, which means you approve of their profession too, right? Otherwise you would have taken your garbage to the dump yourself, right? If you go to a sex worker, I don’t think it should be all about yourself, but it should be about the mutual experience. The sex worker is doing a job and you are the client, wanting them to do the job. Then, respect is even more important. Or does the fact that they are paid for it means they don’t have to be respected? I don’t think so. Respect should ALWAYS be part of our every day lives. Respect for others AND respect for ourselves. We should treat others the way we want to be treated.

    I’m sorry, this is a bit of a ‘ranty’ comment. I guess what I want to say is that always respecting others and always treating them with respect will just make the world a much better place!

    Rebel xox

  2. Mrs Fever

    I appreciate that you recognize, in this post, the difference that exists between {a} the ‘class’ of sex workers you are able to employ (not a great descriptor, but one that hones the point) due to your own financial situation, and {b} the fact that not all sex workers are part of that ‘class’ (i.e., the SW’s who are “thrust into” the situation rather than “making a life choice,” to use your own phrasing). It’s the first time I’ve seen that concession in print on your pages and it’s no small distinction. So thank you for that.

  3. sissy_maid_melody

    I’ve had to think several times before commenting. because I don’t want to make assumptions about someone I don’t know However, the general sentiment expressed by your commenter is something that annoys me in all walks of life. The unthinking assumption that people are automata that require no more consideration and respect than a vending machine – I put the money in and I expect my chocolate bar right now.

    This attitude may be more prevalent with clients of SWers for reasons of social conditioning, but if someone shows it with SWers they will, in all likelihood show it to everyone else they encounter. It’s a social and emotional immaturity that many men never grow out of. It’s not necessarily deliberately selfish, just a lack of empathy with their fellow humans.

    I totally agree with your SWer friend’s comments. The middle school I went to had three rules that I find more profound as I grow ever older :-

    1) Respect for property
    2) Respect for others
    3) Respect for yourself

    Respect is a two way thing, you get out what you put in and often you get more. Treat your service providers with courtesy and respect and you’ll generally get much more service than you expected.

    I only see one domme though I know and have known many more. Every single one of them wonderful people and very service oriented, proud of the relationships they build with those who respect them. All of them falling in to the category of people I would happily be friends with in any surroundings.

    To end, I’ll turn the whole thing upside down. You could call me selfish for respecting service providers, including my domme. Being friendly, giving a tip or gift, saying thank you, all make me a valued customer who is given first class service and extra attention. You reap what you sow in all walks of life.


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