My Sinful Sunday image this week links to my recent post where I found myself exploring the boundary between erotic masochism and self harm in a very aaah ‘practical’ way.
Finding myself in something of a funk, I recently took these implements, and a few others, and gave myself a bit of a beating with them. I decided that the image of my backside after I had finished might be too much for Sinful Sunday; hence the image of the implements. I like the way the willow switches have frayed and lost their bark. That speaks to me of prolonged violence.
I’m a bit of a fan of prolonged violence.
This would, I am sure, be seen as deviant by most and by the dictionary definition: “departing from the norm,” that is hard to argue with.
Some would see it as self harm. The NHS web site defines self harm as “when you hurt yourself as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings,” and that is hard to argue with too.
But, for me, the experience was, as it usually is, predominantly a sexual one; as much an expression of my sexuality as of some deeper psychological malaise. I felt calm and renewed afterwards; on top of things.
This has been part of me all my life. It’s not out of control; it’s not a runaway addiction; it’s not something that is leading to me doing myself any real harm.
I no longer find myself overthinking it, because the explanation of this “deviant” behaviour is really quite straightforward:
I am a masochist.
I own that as part of my sexuality and, these days, mostly, I am comfortable with it.
I just let it a bit further out of the bag than normal this time.
The original post (the image might not be for everyone) is here:
There are more thoughts on the boundary between masochism and self hard here.
More Sunday Sin here:
Hi B1
You probably felt a whole lot better after your self beating session..even if you took yourself a bit further than usual?
I too use self beating as a release, as you have stated pain releases those powerful endorphins which gives a heady rush.
I looked at the aftermath picture you were originally intending to head your sinful Sunday post ..extremely well thrashed! But do you not find occasionally when you are self beating that if you get carried away it’s easy to end up with a very welted bottom?
I’ve got carried away before and suddenly noticed blood on whatever implement I happened to be using and it’s only because I’d been riding a high from the pain
I’ve been oblivious..
Luckily I seem to heal fairly quickly but am prone to weak spots .
But masochist or not B1 if it feels good then whack on!
Best wishes J.
Thank you for adding this. It’s rare to find someone else who does this!
Hi B1
I just always have used pain as a ‘pick me up’
I’ve had arthritic aches and pains which have vanished after a good beating ..a strange cure but it works!
J.
Very thought-provoking. If you enjoy it, own it.
I’ve wondered for a while now whether kink for me is a way of self harming, it’s a loaded term. I’ve struggled to find that balance, that need to release pain by receiving pain without going too far. I think as long as your aren’t endangering yourself and you come away at peace then you’re doing ok.
As for the other image, I think it’s beautiful.
Harm is as harm does – pain releases endorphins. I don’t think self-hurt as a method of relieving tension is necessarily self-harm. In any case; I hope the dark clouds lift soon x
If this is what works for you, I cannot see how there’s anything wrong with it. You are not harming yourself in ways that threaten your life, but hurting yourself in ways you like and need. I know people can argue with that, but as long as you are at peace, that’s good.
Rebel xox
I did try it once but it didn’t work for me, seems I need someone else to do it for to be right for me
Mollyx
I admire your self acceptance and although there are valuable questions for reflection, you don’t need to justify anything. I love that your image is initially a simple composition, yet the value and the personal meaning underlying it is so rich. Thank you for sharing x
I’m sure some would say what I do is masochistic, but what beating is done to my body is more than made up for in physical and mental strength.
I don’t think I have it in me to self-flagellate even when I know a good beating would have a positive change one me. It has been known to stop my anxious fretting. I totally understand the need for that particular form of release and have done things to get the release. You’ve owned who you are and that matters more than how someone else defines you.
You are a masochist, and that is okay.
After all, what would sadists like me do without masochists. 🙂
As I’ve said before I don’t see anything wrong with how you express you – I’m not certain I would refer to it as self-harm though. x